A: I want to close my account. B: We're sorry to lose you as a customer. Can I ask why? A: I keep getting hit by fees. B: We have a new low fee checking account. A: I was already on the basic checking plan and you guys still charged a ton of fees. B: Have you registered for online banking? A: Yeah, and I never got my statements. B: Have you tried our mobile app with text alerts? A: My phone isn't compatible. Just close the account. B: You have $425 in the account. A: Pay it to me in cash. B: We hope you will try banking with us again.